Relational Revolution

Our lives are relationally complicated. Have you ever taken time to think about that?

I have a relationship with mom, dad, sister, grandma, roommates (two--and they're distinctly different), boss (also two, distinctly different), children: Tristan, Haley, Lauren--each again, distinctly different. Then there's friends, neighbors, landlords. Friends of friends, acquaintances, leaders, pastors I try to pray for but sometimes fail miserably to be consistent. There's professors and fellow classmates, waiters at restaurants I frequent, bartenders I enjoy seeing every now and again. The mail-woman. The bagger at the grocery store that I see every Monday and Thursday. And that's just the people I can remember right now.

Complicated.

And each person is different. Each person reacts to seeing my face differently. Each person enjoys (or doesn't) the sound of my voice in a different manner. Each person comes to me with different thoughts, unique perceptions that I might appreciate. The children in my life add a subtle undertone of both sarcasm and humor while also needing me in a way unlike any adults in my life. They need me with authenticity and maybe they try to hide it, but it adds a special blend of flavor to my life that only they can offer.

My mom chats my ear off and gives me the info on my grandparents and who's having which holiday at whose house and what has changed about the dog this week. Dad and I banter about the football rundown for the week--which team needed to lose on Saturday to make way for Georgia to keep moving up, how UGA performed versus what they could have done, what bowl game would be ideal for us to attend and how he wishes he could make it, but maybe next year. My sister tries to avoid the "i'm-really-really-broke-cuz-i'm-in-college" conversations with me while I try to be a great big sis while not debilitating her by leading her to believe that I can fix all her problems. Simply not true. Gramma always reminds me that I'm a great student and she'd love me regardless of whether I just get a masters or if I get my Ph.D and oh yeah, it's okay that I'm not married yet (she says this with deep sadness in her voice).

And the revolution of relationships turns constantly and each one is tender to its own needs and each one evolves daily--or sometimes sooner than that--and I sometimes feel like I can't keep up. Lately, I've gotten to know many new people and while i truly enjoy enlarging my circle of friends, it's tough. One more life to be involved in. One more heart to cherish carefully. One more.

Sometimes it feels like my heart is full. Sometimes I imagine my heart may burst with the inundation of emotion and hope for the futures of the people in my life. Sometimes I retreat from everyone to escape the relational responsibility. I admit, I think I'm a relationship addict. I get high on knowing people. I get high on having someones in my life to share with. I do. But I think the addiction is detrimental because I know many people semi-deeply and few people deeply. I'm working on that. But the semi-deep is still genuine.

So where do I go from here? Is this a good spot to be in? Is Los Angeles in true need of someone to love them legitimately and I can be the one to do that? I have said lately that I want to be a professional lover-of-people. I wonder what that job looks like.